Tinking LiangLiang

u know hor, sometimes i wonder. am i really dat gd as a bf. my best fren always say so, dat my gf very fortunate to hav me as a bf. oso say dat i will be a gd husband, but do i really look like it? i dunno leh, i feel like i m the kind of guy that cant accomplish anything, dat cant seem to work anything out. always seeking the help of others when i dunno, always hv no way out to solve a particular problem. sometimes i oso give in a lot, but seldom get back wad i wanted. its ok lor, anyway its always like dat, so long i m happy in wad i m doing la. haiz... i oso dunno myself.

oso another thing is, i act quite scared of getting to know gals. cos i m scared of getting to close to them. or rather, too near for comfort. yes, recently i may be looking for a replacement for my best fren who juz got married. i might hv found one, but we are still in the process of becoming gd frens onli. nt even in the process of becoming close frens. i m worried, even b4 the 1st stage starts, i might already hv been on the last of the scale. (m i tinking too much, or asking too much frm tis fren? - i dunno, most probably i m) i may hv known my best fren, whom is a gal, for 11yrs. so far i count, my true gal frens oso onli gt 2, both i knew 11yrs. ok la, luckily our 3 relationship stick to the same thruout. i really love the way the 3 of us has been for so long. 11yrs of frenship, nt easy to maintain. i dunno hw we did it, but we really did it.

while i m typing all these, i m thinking of all these yrs, wad hv i been doing. i may hv been fighting for my job, for my studies nx yr, for me n my gf to stay close together, for my relationship wif my frens n family, but i still dun feel quite rite somewhere somehw. i dunno wor, i tink i m nt the kind of guy u all tink, i m nt dat gd, nt dat perfect, nt dat proficient in all the skills i hv. i m juz an average kinda guy that u can find out there, nth much can be found in me besides trying to do the best that i can.

frankly speaking, i oso dunno wad i m typing out here, i juz type wad comes to my mind. come back to the starting pt, m i really dat gd, or m i juz a nobody. guess i m juz a nobody, juz trying to go ard, making frens for nth? i may be tinking ambitiously in the future, but can i really climb to dat stage? will my gf live happily wif me in her life? shld i actually be single my whole life? i know dat it will be better if i could share my emotions wif my other half for the rest of my life.

yes i may be trying to please my gf n give her everything that i can give, but i dunno whether she is happy or nt. hope so ba. all i can do is let time decide. even if she really wans to leave me in future, i oso dunno wad to do le. for me, i will nt try to 'beg' or salvage the relationship, cos i know, once tis happens, it means its over le. ppl might think dat salvaging will be even better, but i dun tink so. cos the gap is supposingly there already, it will nt close back no matter hw hard u try. a broken heart will never be healed completely, the scar will always remain. when i see other couples out there, happily walking together, i really hope to be like them. its so fortunate to see these couples so close together. sometimes when i tink of the above scenario, i really feel very dwn. almost every nite b4 i slp, i will tink of my gal gal n some other close frens of mine. i dunno already, my mind is very foggy wif so many things running thru. some day, i hope i can clear all of these frm my mind, make my mind clear n really know the true path that i wan to walk.