I very 失败

haiz, i really very 失败. while on the bus back home on 183, Autumn was on the bus and was standing beside me. i had wanted to try talking to her, but i cant pick up any courage to start a conversation. i tink is becos i m worried dat i might be 'rejected' wif a reply. then all the while i keep wanting to try n try, but really cmi. hehe... until when i was about to drop off at the next bus stop, i turned around to face the door. then she smiled at me n i smiled back. oh well, still couldnt start a conversation. :x then she was looking at her hp n i was going to alight. wanted to say bye to her, oso couldnt do it, heh... 失败! really 失败!

Actually...

haiz... everytime i tink of this topic, i tink i m rather cmi. i dunno y wor, i juz feel i m more useless than anyone else. onli that i keep myself optimistic in the things i m doing. when i see ppl who are doing the same things as me and they know so much more than me, i feel like a useless rubbish. when it comes to explaining y this y dat, i dunno hw to explain. when i hear ppl talking about things dat i dun understand but i know hw to do, i feel very small. feel like i hv been thrown into a deep deep hole (where i can find wireless in india 800m underground :x). although i m one of those few in my grp of frens who can assemble/repair computers, i still feel like i m a newbie. i may have worked wif my cousin together to assemble/repair hundreds of computers over a period of 6mths, i still cannot make sure wad errors are wad. i m like doing a search for a needle in the ocean for error sources. i hv been assembling computers for at least 7yrs, nt regularly but onli when my frens need me. well, i admit i do know a bit abt computer hardwares, but i m still newbie on it. i hv created miracles for failed hardware, OS, but as i hv said, i dunno the reason behind. even when i do programming, i know hw to program in .net, but i dunno a lot of fundamentals behind it. cos i wasn't on any courses except hands on practical n basic knowledge during my poly days. when it comes down to work, i hear ppl explain to me a lot of advanced things on .net, i totally dunno... like content types, content management, document management, data connection, etc... actually all i dunno a shit about them. i recently onli know wth they are. i feel like i cant accomplish anything big, although i hv tot of opening restaurant/lan shop/games company. haiz. y i dun talk so much wif grp of frens, cos sometimes they talk, i dunno wad to say. my mind always thinking of other things until i dunno wad to say. aiyah, overall i m juz a useless guy. :) see, wad i hv said abt those above is all dat i know i can really do n nt advanced mode. i practice, but i dun learn. dat makes me quite useless, dun u tink so. :) when i see carefree ppl who hv nth to worry, i envy them. i oso wan to hv nth to worry. i m trying very hard, but everyday i wake up, i worry abt a lot of things. i try to make myself jovial, laugh whole day, be happy. but b4 i slp, a lot of tots come to my mind... a lot a lot... haiz...

Studies

after going through a tormentous 6 mths of 'death' ordeal, i m 60% sure i will nt be going for studies yet again next year. for the rest of the 40%, i will try my luck to apply for it tis year first. if i really managed to get a seat in Monash university, then i will hv a 100% chance of getting into the university a yr later, at least.

Suggestions from Mom
my mom was suggesting dat, y nt i work in the company for 2yrs, then take the sponsorship and go overseas to study? in tis case, i can still hv a stable job when i come back from the studies and at the same time, i m oso paid during the course. the onli problem i m facing here is whether the company will really sponsor me for the course and whether i will really get in if i m sponsored or nt.

Suggestions from Baby
baby also had the same suggestion as my mom. but frm here, i m oso considering dat by the time i come back frm my studies, i might nt hv those frens working here already. but if i continue to work for the next 1yr, b4 i go for my studies, then 1st thing is dat i would hv completed the most important stage of an SDLC. 2nd thing is dat some of my frens would hv already gone off during the nx 1yr in this company. so i m still considering the options here.

Suggestions from CanCan
i told CanCan dat i will be going overseas to study nx yr n he told me to go for a different masters in the same line, such as BIT or BCS. so i will be considering a mixed masters in Monash university and a pure IT masters in Queensland university.

Suggestions from My Gal Gal
my gal gal said wadever the route i take, she will support me. so i hv no worries over at my side. the onli thing i worry is my gal gal le. cos i m scared dat by the time i come back frm my studies, i would hv lost her already. i m nt sure whether she will wait for me or nt, but as long as i m alive n kicking, i will nt leave her. so she will be the deciding factor when i go for my studies.

the above 4 advices are roughly the ideas i hv gotten so far. i will continue to tink for the nx 4mths and update tis entry whenever i discuss wif my frens. by the time i reach oct, i will be deciding on my future.

ok, i m wrong abt the paid during study option. they dun pay while i m studying. nw i m 100% i will nt go for the sponsorship le. so mafan, hv to go thru interview by CEO and VPs. then oso will nt be confirmed dat i will be selected for the sponsorship. even after i come back, they wont guarantee dat i will get a pay rise or a jump in job grade. based on the above few points, i decided to go for my studies nx yr le. haiz...

oh well, baby told me 2day dat her boss, toothpaste told her dat he oso did get sponsored by the company to go overseas to study. he said dat if ur boss is very gd, ur boss will help u to fight for the sponsorship. as for the pay rise after coming back, the rise will definitely be positive. ahhhh, m i supposed to turn my ship back after sailing out to the open seas?... and then there comes the .NET training n certification, i really wan to get this cert, hope it will come asap, so i can make my decision by oct.

Early Morning Zzzz...

nne... early morning take 184 make me so pissed off. i was sitting in this seat 3rd row frm the back n then there was another guy, reading newspaper behind me. then tis ******'s newspaper keep touching my hair. i was trying to take a short nap n rest, n there he was, reading newspaper n 'making' my hair. nt onli once lor, is many ******* times. argh! there were times i really wan to turn over n whack him upside dwn. knn take the newspaper read oso dunno hw to read properly. wth is wrong wif him, no space dun read lar. like ppl on the mrt, the mrt already so squeezy in the morning n ppl can actually take newspaper out n read. today newspaper still ok, nb take out lian he zao bao or straits times n read. so freaking big! confirm tio other ppl one lor. haiz, inconsiderate ppl. everyday i oso see them, cmi...

Singapore 3-7 Uzbekistan

oh well... gd luck to singapore on their quest for world cup 2010 then. actually i hv nth to say la, humiliation when 1st half ended wif 5-2. my fren watched the 1st half n said dat lionel lewis single-handedly costed singapore the game. i even saw the goal frm corner. hw can a gk let a corner taker score sia, wtf... worse still, i tink baihakki (center back) is totally cmi. he cannot mark, cannot run, play defender become like midfielder. always running up to midfield dunno do wad, then defence leave precious to defend. 2day singapore was totally outplayed by uzbekistan. i hv no freaking idea wad were the players doing. gd luck to them la. haiz...

Nowadays

nowadays, i see more n more crazy/inconsiderate/unbelievable ppl. let me see if i can remember any and list down all the diff kinds of ppl i see.

juz last nite, i was going home by bus 171. there was this guy, i dunno wth is he doing. i guess he was together wif his gf. there when the bus 167 (i tink) came, he was like very eager to get onto the bus. there were quite a number of ppl wanting to get onto the bus too. then when the bus almost came to a stop, this crazy guy walked onto the bus stopping area and almost gt knocked over by the bus! (i guessed he wanted to snatch a seat in the bus n wanted to cut the queue by cutting thru the front of the bus.) luckily the bus was slow and stopped in time, else tis guy is going to regret walking dwn the pavement.

another common thing i see is ppl at the mrt. when the mrt is approaching and coming to a stop, ppl tend to squeeze towards the entrance, stepping over the yellow line. i tink tis is very dangerous and wad if some even more crazy from behind push n push, i tink the frontline will be gone man. really i dunno wad these ppl thinking, risking their lives juz to get onto an mrt. u r rushing so am i, y dun juz make the effort to slp earlier, wake up earlier and then go work earlier? then u dun need rush, u wont squeeze, u wont step over the line n endanger ur life, rite?

then some drivers also cannot make it one, they like to change lane without giving signals. especially i hate it when they change lane right in front of my car! its so ******* dangerous leh, wt... they signal i will let them change, the problem is they NV SIGNAL. wth is wrong wif these drivers. dont they have any responsibility to signal b4 they change lane? if i hit their buttock, means their wrong lor. really hate these irresponsible drivers, argh... nt onli changing lane without giving signals, there are some other drivers, who also signal and change lane together wif u! wtf, tis is so damn dangerous! imagine i m behind u onli and i change lane, obviously my car's head will be beside his car buttock. (cos i hv to accelerate if i overtake/change lane) then the driver still ******* signal at the last min and CHANGE LANE in front of me. ****** these drivers! ARGH! somemore somemore! slow moving vehicles on the right lanes!? nt lorries, nt buses but CARS! wth, moving 70-80km/h on most right lane at E'way?! most right lane is supposed to allow vehicles to rush/overtake, nt for them to drive slowly! even when there are cars approaching their butt, they still happily drive like nobody's business. haiz... still hv lo... when some drivers try changing lane, they change halfway. i wan overtake them le (same lane), but they turn back! cos this lane suddenly faster, so they juz turn back without signalling! no wonder nwadays so many accidents... then then, juz last wk, there is tis accident at upp bukit timah road. i wonder simi accident, cos i dun see any injured personnel, no damage to vehicle. N THEY ******* STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. stop in the mid already take up 1 lane, and dat area is damn lots of cars one. they didnt stop at 1 lane onli. there is this ******* motorcyclist who STOP HIS BIKE IN THE MIDDLE OF 2 LANES. obstructing half of the other lane too. ******, make the whole stretch of road jam. tis one already worse enugh, the worst thing is, the TP was THERE. n dat proves that POLICE ARE ****. cant he at least order the motorcyclist to move the bike to the same lane instead of occupying 2 lanes, wth... tis accident really piss me off. i almost missed the last company bus cos of this accident. ****** up...

The Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian

overall, this movie nt bad la, i giving it a rating of 3.5/5. the interesting part is the mouse and the dear little friend. this 2 is another classic characters in the movie. the animals in the movie soooo cute. i juz love watching animals acting classically in movies, haha. as wif ratatouille, sex and the city, etc... nth much to say abt tis movie, jus dat the movie is quite nice, dats all. :x there was a drama halfway thru the movie too. i watched the movie till i need go toilet halfway, cos the movie quite long. then i told miracle i need go toilet, he oso wanted to go. after dat he told baby, then baby oso want go... in the end, even starlite n cancan oso wan go, haha. all 5 of us go toilet together, dramatic man... :D anyway, next few movies on the list will be get smart, kungfu panda, wall.e, zohan, hancock, chi bi, the dark knight, etc.. omfg, guess i will need to save a huge amt of $$ juz to watch these movies...